Seven writers reflect on the 2010 Friends Convention in Chicago.

I Felt Free | A Comfort Zone for My Son | A Perfect Three Days | Friends

Our First Time | My Experiences as a Volunteer at FRIENDS 2010 Convention | Nourishment

I Felt Free
by Kevin Onorato

I had a chaotic storm in my head the night before Friends began. I didn't know what to expect. I pictured a bunch of stutterers just gathered together in a big room, all looking awkwardly at one another, questioning why we were here.

The first day I was there I noticed what a warm and caring environment it was. I felt free. I could go up to anyone I wanted to and talk to them, without the stuttering barrier. Everyone knows everyone stutters. It's no longer an issue. We continued the first day with workshops and an open microphone session.

Talking at "Open mic" was a great opportunity for us to face a big fear, public speaking. The next day we did more workshops and then went out to the city of Chicago at night, which was one of the highlights of the trip. We got to be ourselves in the real outside world. Not giving a damn what anyone said. There's power in numbers.

On the last day we got to hear from a great speaker, Alan Rabinowitz. He's a wild cat specialist and is dedicated to saving them from extinction, but the amazing part is how he became what he is today, and the answer is through his stuttering.

The Friends 2010 convention was a great experience. It showed me that there are stutterers everywhere, from all walks of life, and that even if you do stutter, you are still a person and can do what everyone else does.

Kevin Onorato - August 2010

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A Comfort Zone for My Son
by Vickie Drake

My name is Vickie Drake and I am the parent of a person who stutters. The FRIENDS 2010 Convention in Chicago was our first convention. The convention provided the opportunity to interact with people from all over the world who have been affected in one way or another by stuttering. The workshops were educational and informative; the social activities were entertaining and FUN; and the keynote speaker, Dr. Alan Rabinowitz was interesting, entertaining and inspiring.

The convention provided my son with a comfort zone that he does not get to experience often. Even though one knows there are usually others like themselves in the world, it's always a comfort to actually meet these others and share experiences with them.

All convention participants appeared to experience a wide array of emotions ranging from sadness to anger to pride and joy. The courage shown by individuals who stutter is truly inspiring. The dedication shown by professionals in the field of speech/language pathology who attended the convention is to be commended.

I'm grateful to FRIENDS for providing my son and I with the opportunity to grow, learn and share as we continue our journey. The experience was invaluable! Thank you.

Vickie Drake - August 2010

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A Perfect Three Days
by Susan Parisi

The Chicago Friends Convention 2010 was just a perfect three days. I remember the convention in Philly and I as a parent came away from that one with such a wonderful feeling. My children, Gianna, 10, who stutters and Johnny, 8 who doesn't stutter, were a little young to fully enjoy and appreciate the Philly convention, but the Chicago convention was totally different for them.

I never saw them enjoy themselves so much. My son and my daughter made friends that I think they will have for a long time. We as parents are going to make it a point to get together during the year. We have already planned a Friend's barbeque in late August. It was truly the perfect vacation. I find myself thinking about the convention next year. The friends we made already plan to meet on Monday and spend time in Washington before the convention even starts.

We loved the way the hotel was set up. It was very family friendly. I felt totally comfortable letting my children wander the hotel with their friends. The key note speaker was unbelievable. What a story he told of his life, so inspiring. I find myself telling people at home his story and they look at me with amazement. Attending the convention put our whole family on such a high, I believe it will last the entire summer!

We would like to thank everyone who made this years convention the best vacation I have ever been on. I truly believe having a child who stutters has put our family on a different path in life. One that reminds me: if children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate. If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with security, they learn to have faith. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. And if children live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love in the world!

I do not take credit for those beautiful words, but read them everyday from a card on my desk in the morning before I start my day.

So many life lessons are learned from raising a child that stutters that can apply to all children, those who stutter and those who do not. And in the end make us all better parents, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, husbands, wives and friends.

Susan Parisi - August 2010

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Friends
by Alex Drake

There is a certain magical quality about being around people you know you can trust with your deepest, darkest secrets, that is hard to describe. It is a feeling of deep trust and security you get when you know that the person next to you, in front of, or behind you, will never betray you as long as you live. I guess that's what FRIENDS brings to the table, this feeling of trust and security, that is hard to find anywhere else in the world.

For people who stutter, trust and security are a very tough thing to come by. You cannot be sure of any situation, who your friends are, or when a terrible moment in your life related to your speech will rear its ugly head. But at the FRIENDS conventions, such worries are alleviated, and you can sleep easy, knowing that you, and everyone else around you, is a person, a parent, a sibling, or a FRIEND, of someone who stutters. And that's what friends is really all about.

Meeting knew people, and learning to deal with your disability in a positive way. Obviously the world outside of the convention is much different. Its harsh, cynical, and doesn't always take kindly to those who are different and may need accommodation. But for one brief period in a young person's life who stutters, they are like everyone else around them, even if to be disillusioned at the end of it all, it is a lasting experience, one which I enjoyed, and hope to enjoy many times over.

Alex Drake - August 2010

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This was our first Friends convention. My husband and I attended with our 19 year-old son who stutters. Having been involved with my son and his therapy for many years I foolishly thought to myself, what can I learn? Boy, was I wrong.

Dr. Rabinowitz's presentation was amazing. The emotion that was evident when he spoke of his childhood moved me to tears; his success and passion for his work was inspiring. From the moment we arrived, our son was off with his peers. It was a joy to see him so full of confidence and at ease. The courage of all of the speakers was incredible. What truly struck me was how nice everyone was.

I have never been among a group of people where everyone (parents, kids, teens, professionals) was so kind, caring, accepting and thoughtful.

Donna Onorato - August 2010

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My Experiences as a Volunteer at FRIENDS 2010 Convention
by Matthew Criscuola

I had no idea what to expect when I decided to enlist as a volunteer at the FRIENDS Convention in Chicago. Since I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into, I decided to throw away any expectations and approach this new experience with an open mind.

As an aspiring clinician, I was excited to learn about stuttering and get exposure to people who stutter. I had read in the ASHA Leader that the majority of Speech- Language Pathologists in the public schools did not feel adequately prepared to provide therapy for children who stutter and in the same statistic, the majority of SLPs in the school did not feel comfortable providing services for children who stutter. Alarmed and appalled, I promised myself that I would never far into this statistic.

On the flight over to Chicago I had time to consider my limited knowledge about fluency and my limited exposure to people who stutter. This past spring I was assigned a client who was considered a moderate-severe person who stutters. Of all my clients that semester, I felt the most uncomfortable with this one because I simply did not understand why he was not using his techniques and why it was so difficult for therapy to carry-over into his life. I did not fully appreciate the depth of my misunderstanding until the end of the convention.

The first activity I was assigned to was the scavenger hunt. I could immediately tell which children were seasoned FRIENDS convention attendees and which ones were, like me, experiencing this event for the first time. Although most children share in their playfully uninhibited and rambunctious demeanor, some were simply more reticent than others.

One of the greatest perks of being a male speech pathologist is the immediate influence on youngsters, especially the boys, and the magnetism that comes with it. It was delightful to see how quickly my group of boys got comfortable with each other, but what was even more remarkable was the way each one patiently waited through every block, prolongation and repetition with an inherent understanding and unbiased patience. Later that night at the opening ceremony, I witnessed first hand the sheer magic that is FRIENDS. There was an overwhelming exuberance in the air. A sense of unity and transcendence filled the room as story after story of courageous advancement was told. I began to appreciate the "struggle" that was stuttering. Little did I know that my interpretation of this struggle would evolve into something far more powerful and prolific.

As the convention progressed I had the opportunity to participate in several workshops that afforded me an understanding of stuttering that would shape my perceptions as a clinician. At the "Teasing" Workshop, I helped coach a role playing session that allowed children who stutter the chance to be at both sides of spectrum, playing both bully and "poor, sad child who stutters" which was the facetious moniker given to the ones being teased. To hear the deflated viciousness of these composed insults was a testament to the relentless hardships that these children all witness too frequently in their lives. It also served as a commentary on the delicate social fabric of society and the persistent cruelty that shapes our upbringing. The children who stutter were not taught to simply "tattle tale" as some of their peers would call it, but much rather, resilience and independence. They were given the confidence to stand up for themselves by saying "I stutter so you deal with it," and then walk away with their heads up high.

I had a chance to sit in on a lecture by Heather Grossman about the research she was doing on voluntary stuttering or "easy stuttering." This technique changes the listening dynamic by having the person who stutters volitionally present their stuttering, allowing the listener to become more familiar and expecting of stuttering. I was able to hear from other clinicians about their reaction to this therapy technique. By witnessing this dialogue, I was able to consider the application of this technique as well the rationale behind its usage. The response by other SLPs was extremely helpful in helping me create realistic ways of presenting this technique and understanding some of the possible reactions the client might have to this approach.

Later while I was running the "Stuttering Jeopardy" station at the Stuttering Olympics, I had the opportunity to listen to children and adolescent responses to why they use voluntary stuttering. One adolescent said, "it can be however long you want it to be and you can show people that you stutter." A peer from across the table promptly added, "it also tells you how patient the listener is." One of the universal responses that I heard from the eight groups of ten was that "it takes the stress off the stutter and gives you more control." These answers earned the highest possible points in the game, but for me, it was the most valuable feedback I could have possibly heard as an aspiring clinician.

The insights provided by researchers, clinicians and clients themselves were absolutely invaluable to my education as an aspiring Speech-Language Pathologist. In a lecture by Dr. Lisa Scott, she underscored the importance of considering how your clients or local population should serve as the rationale for an evidence-based practice. The efficacy of Dr. Scott's statement is best presented by considering the positive responses from the clinicians and the clients I had collaborated with.

In the end when I consider the affective, behavioral and cognitive changes of the people I observed, I am overwhelmed with inspiration and resolve. The courage and persistence that I experienced watching these children, adolescents and adults who stutter was as inspiring as it was life affirming. I saw children, who at the beginning of the conference were reserved and reluctant to participate, blossom with confidence and respond to the question "what is stuttering?" by saying "it is who I am."

I saw the adults who stutter watch the children learn and grow all the while wishing that they had this blessing that is FRIENDS when they were growing up. This bittersweet envy is overshadowed by the ecstasy of knowing that their suffering is an artifact of the past. Knowing that these children who stutter will not face the same hardships that they had is a testament to the life-changing importance of FRIENDS.

I witnessed the evolution from perceiving at one time a condemning curse and now a prolific blessing. For what greater gift I thought. Everyone at this convention is building a foundation of confidence and integrity that most people live their whole lives without. To see this transformation and experience the unity and endless gratitude touched the very core of what it means to be alive and breathing. I felt the unconditional love that everyone who stutters, and doesn't stutter, should feel. I made friendships that will last a lifetime. I never could have imagined that there were so many friends out there.

Matthew Criscuola - August 2010

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Nourishment
by Aehui Haase

I walked in the hotel and saw the huge welcome poster that said "Friends, the National Association of Young People Who Stutter." It was the realization that led me to a quick journey down memory lane.

I was a little girl who stuttered, the only one. All the preserved emotions were in a coma, but they woke me up ever so quickly. I now speak with occasional blocks, but they are rarely noticeable.

Suddenly, I felt like a little girl who lacked in confidence and power in a woman's body. All the mixed, suppressed emotions were coming out with powerful force. I was fighting the tears for my reluctant 17 year old son, Alex. I named him after Alexander the Great - The king of Macedon. I wanted him to grow up undefeated in any obstacles he may face, and be the successful commander of his life.

As I glance at him, I see the scar behind his ear down to his neck. It was the result of cancer. As anyone can imagine, the unexpected news was a devastating diagnosis. We went through a period of time where life seemed so uncertain. The confusion and fear was paralyzing. I knew I had to charge like an angry bull, but I was just a wilting flower in the desert. Alex, on the other hand, at the age of 13, was the commander of his war. The war of cancer. He was Alexander the Great.

Every day, he nourished me with his positive attitude. He was unbelievably strong. I was worried that he was masking his fear to protect me. After we were confident enough to believe that his prognosis was great, I asked him where his inner strength came from. Before we had any idea that Alex may be faced with cancer, I was so inspired by Randy Pausch, the author of "The Last Lecture". He was a professor who was given a few months to live due to pancreatic cancer. I downloaded his lecture and had my family watch it. In his lecture, Randy stated that he made the decision to live like "Tigger" rather than "Eeyore". Alex told me that he too wanted to be a Tigger when he heard of this horrific diagnosis. Now, what can I say? I was so proud of him and shamed of my lack in strength when he needed me the most.

Now it is my turn to be the source of nourishment for him. The war of stuttering seems to be even more of a challenge for him, since the war never ends. Alex is reluctant and lacking in patience and tolerance. With my little knowledge, I tried to encourage him; however, he becomes "mother deaf" to all my efforts to lift him when it comes to the issue of stuttering.

At the registration, we were greeted by so many people who are so kind. They made us feel so welcome. Still, Alex tried to hide and seemed as though he did not want to be a part of "them". Soon, he found a friend; his name is Brad. This was Brad's first convention as well. I saw the smiles on their faces. I felt so relieved and knew that this would be a positive experience for sure. For me, this convention exceeded all my expectations in every aspects. I am witnessing people stutter with such confidence, they have overcome incredible emotional and psychological barriers which seem to set them free. I was extremely moved by their bravery and honesty.

The guest speakers were so informative and entertaining, as well as uplifting. Who could forget the kids and adults who stood in front of the big crowd to tell their inspiring stories? Now, that's courage. The parents were beyond wise; their wisdom filled my heart with joy and confidence that I too could be a better parent to a child who stutters. Well! Actually, the parenting skills that I've learned from them pertain to any children. I'll improve my listening skills and acknowledge Alex and my daughter, Cassidy, who does not stutter. I am walking away inspired and determined to be a better listener, and a better mother to my children.

I want to thank everyone who gives so much to make a difference in our lives. My gratitude list just doubled. Thank you for your support. This is the mark of our new beginning. God bless.

Aehui Haase - August 2010

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